Proverbs chapter 13, Verse 24 is what’s paraphrased in the title of this blog.
So in the news. A black father goes above and beyond to chastise his child. He beats her with over 50 lashings with a belt, then proceeds to shave her head. All in an attempt to publicly humiliate her, and what he claims, Teach her a lesson. The story below… Then my thoughts. I must warn you that the video is probably going to inspire feelings of anger. Her screams and cries… Just wrong.
– A Louisiana man was arrested this week after video footage appeared to show him repeatedly beating a girl with a belt and then shaving her head to punish her.
Now if you’ve read my blog Over the years, I tell of the physical and sexual abuse that I suffered as a young girl. So when I see a story like this, I’m reminded of those days.
I decided to use the biblical quote not to attack religion THIS TIME, but to remind you where this comes from.
As stated above in the title the “accurate”quote according to the KJV is;
“He that spareth his rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes.”
I’ve chosen to make this about race because I CAN.
I deliberately stated black man because we, as black people are notorious for using scripture to support our abuse of children.
Will I go into history as to why we beat our kids and how it came from slavery? No. I’m not in the mood today.
But that scripture has caused some serious injury to kids and I find it distressing. As a past recipient of Child Abuse from being beaten with extension cords, a water hose, a pot, open hand, fists, rubber tree switches, a literal rod and anything my guardian could get her hands on, I’m not finding that this scripture justified these actions.
However, MY STEP-DAD NEVER HIT ME. He didn’t stop the abuse, but I don’t recall him ever hitting me.
I cannot understand how a man can beat up a little girl. What type of pussy ass male beats up a girl? He is a grown man and the ONLY way he could gain respect is to shave her head and Beat her. And he thought he was doing something good. He thinks that he’s right. That piece of trash thinks he is in the right. Why? There are many other black people who believe that that’s the way to get respect or obedience. That’s what many of them were taught. So from generation to generation we beat our children into what we hope would be submission.
The same way a slave is beaten by his master into submission. Imagine being a slave. No matter your race, you don’t have to be black to imagine someone having power over you. I’m not asking you to imagine being black. I’m asking you to imagine being a slave. You may start out being stubborn, but essentially and eventually that whip will win every time. And if you knew that death was the only escape from it, you would more than likely succumb to the beatings.
It’s not the slaves fault that they are a slave. It’s the owners fault that they are an asshole. If you’re an abusive parent, that’s not your child’s fault. If you are an abusive person, it’s nobody’s fault that you can’t control your anger.
Abusive parents have anger issues. And most people will probably say that their mother chastised, spanked, beat them. Or some female authority figure. Mothers are typically the ones responsible for rearing the child.
But in this situation, we have a man. And for some strange reason, this is even worse. I cannot imagine being hit by my dad. He was so kind and gentle. He didn’t seem to have a controlling bone in his body. But this little girl was embarrassed publicly by a egocentric maniac posing as a father figure.
Clips from his comments in the video
( At the beginning of the footage, he said: ‘She wanna be grown, she getting her a** whooped n her hair bald. School is for work not f****** Snapchat. She ain’t got no business with no damn snap anyway. Stay tuned.’
He identified the girl as a 9th grader. Children in that grade are 14 or 15. Throughout the footage, she is wearing a Despicable Me t-shirt.
Ferriday Police Department refused to say on Friday whether or not the girl was still in the home or if she had been taken into the care of authorities.
Asked repeatedly for information, a department spokesman refused to answer and said the footage was still under investigation.)
So this dad was proud of what he’d done. He honestly doesn’t think he’s a POS. Because there are millions who feel just like him.
I began the blog BEFORE watching the video. This story is CLEARLY deeper than what we see. He seems to have some serious issues with her about hygiene, self respect, chasing boys and he mentions in the video that she doesn’t do her chores, and she’s not doing her homework. That’s a lot of issues to deal with. And I’ve dealt with at least one of my children refusing to do any of these things. I NEVER laid a hand on them because I realize that beatings don’t solve anything. But when that’s all you think that you have, that’s what you go for.
The video is upsetting. Hearing the sound of the belt and watching her attempt to use her hands to alleviate some of the sting is all too familiar. We have to do better. We have to stop Child Abuse. We have to stop taking our anger out on our children. We have to stop feeling powerless. I understand what he’s going through. But with him being a man, he can’t feel good or satisfied from this. A real parent doesn’t want to inflict pain. But to post the video and have a bragadocious demeanor shows that he isn’t sorry.
There are times I spanked my kid and I went to the room and cried. I didn’t know what to do. I was losing control and eventually I vowed to never spank my children again. There is no joy in it. It’s shameful, it’s horrible. There’s no reason to have pride in it. It’s assault. Plain and simple ASSAULT AND BATTERY ON A CHILD. We can’t continue to act this way.
When a man beats a girl it teaches her that Being hit is the way to get love and attention. This girl is crying out for attention and this dad is completely missing her cries. He’s making this all about himself and it had nothing to do with him. This is about HER. If he could step outside of himself and ask her what’s wrong, He would possibly get answers. If she doesn’t talk to him, take her to counseling. From the video, he’s been beating her. This wasn’t the first time.
We have to TALK to them. We have to communicate with them. Your children aren’t the enemy. They are human beings just like we are and we have to respect them as such. I respect my girls. They came from me. I don’t want to hurt them.
He needs to be removed from those children and he needs anger management. Most black parents need parenting classes. We brag within the community about how much better we are at parenting than white people. When we see an unruly white kid or any kid in public, we think to ourselves, that kid needs his or her ass beat. It’s ingrained in us that the way to get respect is to hit.
But that’s not the truth. The best form of getting respect is setting boundaries and sticking to it. A simple SOLID NO, does wonders. As Adults do we beat coworkers who act stupid or other civilians who act like idiots or get on our nerves? Do we yank out our belts and order folks to bend over?
No. We deal with their behavior and navigate around them. We assess the situation and decide the MATURE course of action. Some are immature and that’s why we have bar fights and road rage, but mostly, we know that hitting isn’t allowed.
Respect is EARNED and if you want your child to respect you, you have to give them something to respect. This dad is OUT OF CONTROL and he thinks he isn’t. He thinks he’s handling the situation. But all he’s really doing is hurting himself and the child. There’s an opportunity for valuable lessons that’ll never be learned because belts can’t talk. Sticks, switches, and extension cords just inflict pain.
As a parent, you have to realize that EVERY CHILD YOU HAVE IS DIFFERENT. They all have needs that differ from the other. And you have to be in tune with that. You cannot compare children. They will learn on their own. If your child refused to bathe, instead of dragging them by the hair and throwing them into the tub, teach them the importance of hygiene. Refuse to take them out publicly unless they shower.
Hygiene deficiency is nothing other than a LACK OF CONFIDENCE AND SELF ESTEEM. It’s not a personal attack on you. Don’t take it personally. Your kid isn’t feeling beautiful and that’s why they aren’t bathing. They don’t believe in themselves and that’s why they aren’t doing homework. They just flat out don’t care because they are depressed and acting out trying to get attention. And many times we miss it because we have no patience and don’t want to invest time into them. It’s easier and quicker to just beat them and yell, LESSON LEARNED!
But that’s not parenting. That’s coping with kids.
If you are a parent or guardian and you are having a hard time with your children, email me any time. I realize that parenting is extremely difficult. Also if you need counseling, SEEK IT. Seek out Anger management classes in your city or state. Seek out online classes where you can remain anonymous. Find ways to calm yourself FIRST and gain control of you.
When you realize that ACTING on your child’s behavior puts your children in control, you’d realize that you aren’t in the drivers seat at all. Parenting isn’t about REACTING to bad behavior. It’s about correcting bad behavior through love, and being a good example.