Let’s get this straight. Love is NOT a feeling. It’s an action. No matter how you look at it, it’s an action. You ever met someone and they delivered such a strong range of emotions in you? You were swept off your feet in the sheer charm of them.
Well that’s precisely what it was, CHARM.
Defined as, A powerful achievement in control as if by magic. The power or quality of giving delight or arousing admiration.
In a nutshell you are under their spell. And that’s a dangerous place to be. Charm can be beneficial when entertaining prospective clients. And in order to gain a sale or acquire business partners, it’s good to have some wit and charm. But while seeking romantic partners and lovers for life, that’s not a fair game. Because charm is deceitful. In every sense. And you’re either born with it or you aren’t.
In relationships we call it butterflies. And it’s all gushy and exciting at first because you have this rush of adrenaline and the feeling of unspeakable joy. You are floating on a cloud and you’re not coming down for anyone.
But then the feeling subsides because the charm that was used to capture your attention isn’t so accessible.
How many of you can remember your first crush? Do you remember the feelings that you had? Your stomach was in knots, you couldn’t eat or sleep. You couldn’t think straight. All day you day dreamed about your love.
What you were doing is infatuating from a distance. And even once the Relationship is established between you two, the feelings are fleeting. Because it depends on the mood. It depends on the actions of another.
A young girl has a crush on this cute boy she sees in school everyday. Every time she sees him, she blushes. Her friends tease her about him and she is insane over this boy. She doesn’t see anyone but him. She scribbles his name in her binder. Checks his horoscope to see if they are compatible. She’s planned the wedding too. Small problem is, they haven’t even talked yet. This relationship is all in her head. And this boy isn’t even involved in any of her plans. That huge detail doesn’t even matter to her though because she just KNOWS that he is the one.
Eventually they speak and after talking to him she realizes that he isn’t what she imagined him to be. He’s a jerk. He smokes and skips class. He’s a dummy. And after she sees his reality, she is no longer interested in him. She then moves on to the next boy and does the same thing. Did she love him? Of course not. She loved the idea of him.
All she did was become addicted to her own imagination and a feeling that he gave unintentionally.
The intentional Relationship misunderstanding. Women and men fall into this category. You ever felt something strong for someone without ever speaking to them? Maybe it’s a celebrity or other public figure. Just because someone is kind to you or flattered by your compliment doesn’t mean that they want a life with you.
We do this to folks we see In passing every day. Women are notorious for this. We size a guy up quickly. I’ve literally married several men in one day. I divorced them all too a day or so later when I realized their character flaws. But remember, these aren’t men who are interested in you, these are merely people who you share a one sided attraction to.
Imagine a man who is interested in pursuing you. We have grown accustomed to looking for a feeling. We search for it because we are addicted to the idea of being in love. We like the newness of it. We chase after the feeling the way an addict chases after a drug. And until we mature, we will continue to chase a feeling. Because we think that’s where the love is. The addict is looking for a feeling to help him escape his pain and we look for a feeling to help us escape our pain and fear of loneliness.
The drug addict experiences his best high the FIRST TIME and he spends the rest of his time chasing that same feeling. As a teen we had a feeling and we spend our lives chasing that. So we enter shitty relationships where we love from a distance. We have no real connection with this person, but they fill a void for a short period of time. It’s the same as a user. That high is temporary. That’s why promiscuity is on the rise. It’s not that sex is so great. Which I think it is, but I know that folks aren’t having this mind blowing sex all the time with people they hardly know. They are just chasing that high.
And in the morning they realize what they’ve done and the urge to replenish surfaces and the chase begins again. They maintain a sense of emptiness and use sex and new relations to attempt to cover their aching for love.
If you ask the drug addict, what they are chasing, the answer will be, that high. That FEELING.
The thing you chase cannot come from anyone else. It comes from you. It’s in you. You have IT. Nobody else does. And we each have our own. It’s not something you can borrow or steal. Which is close to what Narcissist do. They have no love and are incapable of giving it so they steal your resources and Rob you of your supply. They themselves are addicts who feed off of you. They are like vampires who suck the energy and life blood from you. They are never satisfied. They must feast everyday.
Be careful of your emotions and feelings when you meet someone. You are supposed to be in control of you. So if you’re finding yourself losing control, someone has their charm hooks in you. And if you find yourself emotionally unstable after a relationship, you were with a narcissist. The charmer has but one job. Make a quick pitch and close the deal. And they will do that by any means necessary. And the easiest way to a person’s emotions is to cater to them and fulfill their fantasy.
Just think. Why would you have these types of feelings for a person you don’t even know? How can you love them when you don’t even know them. That’s childish infatuation. And as soon as the chameleon stops hiding in the shadows, you’ll see their true colors and lose interest. This could take years. It just depends on your level of maturity. If you want to play school girl games, then you’ll be in for the long haul.
Get your mind out of the feeling phase. It’s fleeting. Once you give someone power over your feelings, they can control you. And no one should be responsible for how you feel. They are your feelings, so how can anyone make you feel sad or happy? After a breakup we get depressed and angry. Why? We depended on the other person to make us happy. But don’t you think that is too big a task? How would you feel if someone put that kinda pressure on you? We must be happy in order to attract happy. We must have our own self esteem. It comes from SELF. Anytime you depend on someone to give you what should be giving yourself, you will be disappointed every time.
Hopefully you enjoyed this blog. I enjoyed writing it. 😊😊