Remember that perfect relationship that you two shared where your needs were always met? Remember how in sync you were? How you felt so much respect and adoration from your partner? Remember how mature they were and thoughtful? Remember how considerate and honest they were and how you never had to question their loyalty or faithfulness?
Yeah, me neither! Listen if you have this, you don’t need this blog! Get off my site! Lol!
Anywho, you know I try to be a therapist at times because I’m actually pretty fucking smart. So here goes my shit.
Ok so I’ll make it short and sweet. How difficult do you find it to CHANGE yourself? I’m not talking about superficial stuff, I’m talking about the essence of who you are. If you are being honest you will say next to impossible.
The essence of you is your beliefs about love. The way you believe people should be treated. The way you live your life. The thing that makes you YOU.
The key to being you is just being honest with yourself about what you like and dislike. EVEN IF your ideals aren’t normal or considered the norm, that’s still you.
Let’s say you’re a selfish personality? Do you realize that there’s NOTHING wrong with that? There really isn’t. But it’s not right for you to put demands on others if you aren’t willing to sacrifice the same things. If your idea of being in a relationship is getting up early in the morning with a girl laying beside you, but you make breakfast for you ONLY and you feel that she needs to fend for herself, that’s just fine. But expect to be single real soon. You truly can be whomever you wish to be, but don’t expect people to accept it. Behavior is a personal choice.
But that’s the problem with entering a relationship. We expect people to accept us in our mess. We think, “oh it ain’t that bad”! “They are just being dramatic”. But you don’t realize it IS that bad. Ask yourself this question. Could you put up with YOU? Would you be able to tolerate yourself? Would you want to be with someone who is just like you? My answer is HELL YEAH!… sometimes…😋😋😋because sometimes I’m the shit! Sometimes I’m the BEST. Sometimes I actually rock.
But we enter these unions based on whatever principles or none at all.
Back to the topic.
Despite my wonderfully made existence to you mortals, sometimes I do happen to find a little crack in my shell.
But think about the folks with huge gaping holes in the exterior. Just plain old fucked up individuals. These are people who treat everyone like garbage. You are constantly having to apologize for their behaviour even though they are ADULTS. Before you can take them anywhere, you have to warn your relatives about them. They are a total DRAG. A COMPLETE DRAIN.
They are rude and disrespectful. THEY have no sense of loyalty or accountability. It’s never their fault. You feel like you’re dating A split personality. And you are. They are a devil in disguise.
Add to this, verbal abuse, physical abuse and psychological abuse where they constantly play with your mind and have you on an EMOTIONAL rollercoaster. And you have yourself an EX FOR A REASON.
The first things to answer AND consider when debating whether to take him or her back. HOW DID THEY MAKE YOU FEEL? HOW DID THE RELATIONSHIP END? DID THEY FIGHT FAIR? DID THEY ACCEPT responsibility for THEIR actions and give a GENUINE SINCERE APOLOGY? Were they unfaithful? Did you constantly find them in lies? Did you or can you trust them? Are they reliable and dependable? Were you treating them better than they treated you, and you were hoping that they would change?.
Listen, PEOPLE DON’T CHANGE. You think an emotionally unavailable, unstable, lying cheater has changed? No! They haven’t. That’s just who they are. Why do I say that?
Good men DO NOT CHEAT. THEY LEAVE. If a good guy is done with the relationship he Will leave . He won’t cheat because it will taint his character. He won’t lie or manipulate. He prides himself on having good character. So does she. If he or she is cheating, that means they aren’t TRUSTWORTHY and that’s a terrible quality. Cheating means lying. And you can’t trust a liar.
This is why it’s not good to return to an EX. IF you are REAL and you know this person was bad for you, why would you go back? Did you change who you were and drop your standards? Did you change after the breakup and started demanding less respect and honesty?
If you know you haven’t changed, then why do you think they’ve changed?
I don’t do the god thing. People are who they are and I don’t have time for the fake ass I REPENTED from my sins bullshit.
Here’s my take. BITCH!, you owe ME an apology for what you did! Apologizing to Jesus ain’t gonna do shit for you here. If you hurt me, you apologize to ME! What does your god have to do with anything?
I had a guy tell me that YEARS AGO. I was like”Ok” lol … young and dumb. Today Ericka requires that bitches KNEEL.
Are you thinking of taking him or her back? YOU like eating regurgitation? I don’t.
I understand There are a few circumstances where exes can be together again. But NEVER where you were mistreated and abandoned. If you were treated badly and you left with a broken heart, DONT GO BACK.
I have an EX who I felt like Jennifer Lopez after her Marc Anthony divorce. The thought of that relationship ending was devastating. I REALLY wanted it to work. It still stings today.
BUT… here’s what you do. Don’t fight your memories. Enjoy them and smile intently. ( Especially if you haven’t moved on) Whenever he or she pops in your head, relax into it. You two had great times together. It’s ok to remember the good times. But don’t forget how it ended. Don’t forget what they did to hurt you. Don’t forget how they made you feel. Don’t forget the lies if they were told. Don’t forget the deception. Don’t forget the hatred or anger or neglect. Remember the good AND the bad.
But most importantly, remember that they haven’t changed. They have not changed. They have not changed.
If two people who used to be a couple broke up and neither changed during the breakup, then expect the SAME outcome. Yeah it’s gonna be pretty in the beginning, but after a while, the pattern will resurface and you’ll see that you’ve been HAD.