Dating any person is at times challenging enough. But dating a narcissist? Well, that’ll definitely give you a run for your money. Everyone comes with their baggage, but if you’ve ever been in a relationship with a narcissist, you’re all too familiar with their egotistical personality and wicked ways.
Narcissistic personality disorder is defined as “An enduring pattern of grandiose beliefs and arrogant behavior together with an overwhelming need for admiration and a lack of empathy for (and even exploitation of) others.” And while it’s easy to dub someone a narcissist simply based on unfavorable behavior in isolated instances, a true narcissist continually needs to be on a pedestal, seen in the best possible light, and have their ego stroked. If you’ve ever dealt with someone like this, you know just how exhausting that can be. Don’t let yourself get tangled in their deceitful web. Here are five signs you’re dating a narcissist.
Here are the ways to tell if he or she is a Narcissist.
At first he is CHARMING
Any true narcissist certainly knows how to charm the pants off just about anyone. In the very beginning, they’ll make you feel like the center of their universe. In a way, that’s how they’re able to get their hooks in you. They get you so interested, you’ll think this is the best relationship of your life. But then, the changing tides quickly roll in. Once they’re sure you’re invested enough to stick around, they won’t hesitate to dethrone you from the spotlight, and shift the focus back onto themselves. And the reason it’s so hard to up and leave because of this behavior is that you’ve already witnessed the good in them, the time during which they made you feel loved, flattered, and adored.
In an article published on The Huffington Post, psychologist Margaret Rutherford used one of her patient’s ah-ha moments to illustrate how she realized she was dating a narcissist. As her patient described, there was a “special pool of light” her partner believed was on him, which had also shone on her. She experienced an intoxicating sense of them as a couple, and in that moment, she felt like she was his everything. However, as soon as someone else stood by him in this light, his attention immediately shifted focus, and she was left to wait her turn, time and time again.
2. They are NEVER wrong and always shift the blame
Every relationship is a balance of give and take. Compromise at its very finest can be seen by taking a look into a healthy relationship, but when there is no balance whatsoever, that’s a red flag. A narcissist goes far beyond being stubborn from time to time — they’ll never, ever admit they’re wrong. And unless that person is some saint sent from heaven, we all know that’s never the case 100% of the time. Denise Limongello, LMSW told Glamour, “Studies show that individuals who reportedly were involved with narcissists complained of never having received an apology for any mishaps during the relationship.” This makes sense, seeing as narcissists have no accountability for their wrongdoings (although they jump at any chance to be praised, or take credit for, just about anything).
In that same regard, narcissists have this uncanny ability to take any bad situation and turn it back around on you. While there’s no doubt they like being the center of attention, they can’t handle it if the attention is negative or accusatory. Not only will they twist a situation around to put themselves in the victim’s seat, but they’ll rewrite history completely.
3. They have no REAL friends
Having a lot of friends, and having real friends, are two very different things. Like it or not, friendships are an essential part of a relationship with your significant other. After all, you are the company you keep. And seeing as narcissists are only out for themselves, they’re not likely to have actual friends (i.e. people who equally commit to a mutually beneficial relationship, rather than a shallow, false sense of trust in one another).
Take notice of how your mate treats people from whom he has nothing to gain, clinical psychologist and author Albert Bernstein, Ph.D., told Women’s Health. Narcissists can’t hold onto solid friendships for too long (wonder why). Additionally, they’ll commonly namedrop if they think it’ll benefit them or make them seem important, or have seasonal or casualfriendships.
4. They constantly put others down
If you are still mulling over the previous point, this should help in making its case. It’s no surprise someone who is constantly putting others down is likely doing so as an attempt to disguise his or her own insecurities, shortcomings, or personal flaws. The interesting thing about narcissists is, their facade of being the absolute best is typically a diversion mechanism. Often times, they’re covering up a seriously insecure self.
In attacking others, whether it be passively or outright, a narcissist aims to boost their own good standing, so others may perceive them as being the most attractive, smartest, and ambitious of the crowd. In a Psychology Today article, Preston Ni M.S.B.A. says a narcissist will jump at the chance to talk about inferior colleagues, incompetent managers, clueless friends, and flawed former relations. Additionally, it’s important to exercise caution even during the initial, charm filled phase with a narcissist. Negative comments about your body features, background, attire, and personal and work priorities may be presented as minor, passive-aggressive jokes, but in reality, such remarks may actually be reflecting your partner’s selfish desire to change you for the “better.”
5. They HATE anyone with authority. Even YOU.
Its normal for some adults to dislike being told what to do. But a narcissist’s need to be head honcho in any situation is a reality. A person who’s in a relationship with a narcissist will experience a constant struggle of power, no matter how big or small an issue may be. They resent authority, can’t stand being told what to do, (even by their boss or a person in a position of power), and they truly believe no one has the right to command them to do anything. The Huffington Post says a narcissist is “reluctant to accept any blame or criticism and strongly prefers to be in control of things and those around him at all times.” Furthermore, a narcissist has undying feelings of entitlement, and believes he or she should absolutely never have to face adverse consequences. Not only are they above the law, but they wrote it, too.
If you recognize any of these signs as red flags in your own relationship, it may be time to reevaluate your partner’s priorities, and possibly seek counseling from a professional.
No what you need to do is RUN from this insanity. Lol
This is a very good post courtesy of Cheat Sheet