Cobwebs on my vagina. That’s what I’m dealing with. It’s not that I can’t get sex, I’m just not very good at finding it. Like where is it? I don’t see it as anywhere. So it must not exist. You have to put it in my face for me to see it.

This blog is challenging a THEORY about Dating multiple men at one time.

So I was reading this story about dating multiple men at one time. And this woman was saying how she did not have the confidence that it took to date more than one man at one time. So the moment the first guy would give her any attention or show interest, she would automatically decline any dates with anyone else.

She then proceeded to say that after the relationship did not work out she will be left alone and broken hearted. And of course she would not have a fall-back guy because she put all of her eggs in one basket.

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Excerpt from her story

{When a man showed a genuine interest in me, I stopped dating other men because I lacked the courage to juggle several men. I felt sneaky and unethical dating two guys at a time. I didn’t know how to deal with two men texting and calling me or how to handle their sexual advances. I was afraid if a guy found out that I was dating someone else, he would drop me.

When I was infatuated with a new man, fantasizing that he liked me as much as I liked him, I immediately declined date invitations from other men. That rarely worked out for me; he would sense my needy relationship agenda, and he would stop calling me. If I casually slept with a man, I felt morally obligated to cut myself off from other guys. I threw all my eggs into his basket and we dated until he disappeared into the night and I was left with a bleeding heart.

Putting all my focus on dating one man limited my opportunities to meet my ideal partner.

I invested my time, energy, and emotions in a man, and then weeks or months later I’d decided he was the wrong man for me. I’d become intimately involved with a so-so guy, put another notch on my bedpost, get dumped, and then I’d worry about contracting STDs. I forfeited opportunities to date a variety of men, one who could have been my perfect match.

I’ve since figured out that dating one man at a time is a mistake on several levels. I worked on my self-esteem and confidence, and I told myself that as long as I am respectful to the feelings of the men I date (I’m not a “player” or a “sleepover”) and I am truly looking for the qualities in a man that will lead to a meaningful, committed relationship, not only is it OK to date several guys at one, it’s the path to finding real love.}

My points…

From reading the excerpt I don’t see that dating multiple men will solve your problem. It seems to me that you need to date more quality men and not be so quick to spread your legs.

What I am finding out though is that I’m guessing that guys are just as annoyed when they find out that you have other people who you’re dating. We women may see it as reasonable competition, but is that what it really is? I understand the whole process of getting to know someone and being able to decipher what qualities they have by going on several dates. But how many dates does it really take to get to know someone? I think it takes hundreds. And even then you could still walk away with some confusion. Only because you do realize that people always hold a certain part of themselves secret. No one truly reveals who they are 100%. They always leave something hidden.

When we are dating we put our best foot forward so there’s so many things that you’re going to keep on the back burner.

There are a lot of married women and men out there who are going through divorce right now who are looking at their partner’s like “I don’t know who the fuck you are.” During a breakup or times of Crisis people are completely different. And so it is important to know exactly who that person really is, during all circumstances. You don’t know what that man will be like if he’s unemployed, you don’t know what that man will be like if he’s homeless. You don’t know what that guy will be like if he gets sick. Maybe you’ve never seen him cry or go through an emotional breakdown. There’s so many things about a relationship that can not be discovered even with dating three, or five guys at a time. And the more people you date the harder it is to know everything about each one. While I do understand not putting all of your eggs in one basket, it would not be easy for me to juggle 3 and 4 men. And it’s not about confidence or a lack of confidence to do either. I think that is completely silly to say that a woman or a man who does not date multiple people at one time lacks confidence. I just like one on one and truly investing my time into one person. Have I dated more than one guy at a time? Of course. But they were all idiots.

That’s why I don’t think that more is more. Or that more is better or the merrier. I think you need to work hard to find one good quality person. I don’t think I’ve ever been in a situation where I met someone and thought wow he is amazing,  let’s date. There’s usually always something about that person that’s not perfect. I think going on the date is to confirm what you already know. A lot of people are interested in dating immediately. But as I told you before I don’t like the interview process. I can’t stand selling myself and telling people who I am and why they should date me. That’s so tacky.

So if the key to finding love is dating multiple people at one time, I guess I’m going to die single. It’s not that I don’t like relationships or that I don’t want to be in one, it’s just that I don’t like trying. I don’t like putting forth any effort. Which I suppose is a pretty fucked up attitude. But I just can’t help it. I’m traditional. I just don’t believe in chasing after anyone. And I’ve mentioned to you before about the role reversal now where the men expect to be chased. No fucking way. I’m not chasing anybody.

Why character is more important than quantity.

CHARACTER tells you everything you need to know.

The mental and moral qualities distinctive in an individual.

That’s what you want to look for. That’s the priority.

Qualities, a distinctive attribute possessed by someone or something

Many times you cannot see these things immediately, and many times you see it initially, it’s not genuine. But you have to realize what’s IMPORTANT TO YOU! WHAT is in you that youd love to see in a mate? Don’t reveal it. Just watch and see if he has IT. Is it Important that he pull out the chair EVERY TIME? How do you like to be treated? Does he NATURALLY respond to your needs without having to be told? If you’re the junky type and you go back to his place and you discover that he is very tidy and very immaculate, how will that make you feel? What if you’re the neat freak but he’s the animal? All of those situations have to be looked at. Don’t you realize that the bulk of relationships have tension over the silliest things? The stupidest arguments are what create division in relationships. It’s not about affairs and domestic violence all the time. Sometimes it’s just one person is extremely junkie and inconsiderate of the next person. Sometimes it’s about somebody is being unappreciative or unthoughtful. Those seem like the little things but they can blow up to create a huge distance between you two.

When you’re younger you tend to overlook a lot of things. But when you’re older you don’t let things slide as much. You really want your mate to be exactly the way you want him or her to be. You really don’t want to make any type of excuses for their behavior. Life is too short and so you don’t want to spend your time bickering and arguing back and forth over Petty nonsense. That’s what I like about being older I realize exactly what I want in a mate and I don’t want to settle for anything less. When you’re younger you tolerate a lot more. But at my age, no way. You’ve got to straighten up and fly right. Older people don’t have time for you to get yourself fixed. We expect you to know exactly what you want and to go for it.

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The things I see a lot of younger women going through, meaning women in their early twenties and thirties makes me laugh. When you’re younger, for the most part you have a higher threshold for bullshit. You accept a lot more foolishness. I’m not old, but I just can’t imagine looking stupid today.

Back to the juggling . Most of the times as a woman you need to realize that you are not the only one he is dating or seeing or fucking. That just comes with the territory. Hell it’s hard to get married these days and be the only one. I’ve been told that you should not reveal to your mates that you were seeing other people, that you should just live your life and date them as you please and they don’t need to know about each other. I’d say go by your personality on this one. If you don’t have a problem with the fact that he is dating or sleeping with other women while he dates you then it’s okay for you to show the same courtesy. But if it matters to you, then you should reveal it in time. I’m still up in the air on the competition thing though. I don’t know if men really like competition. A lot of people feel like it ups the ante when you’re dating a man and you tell him that you have other people that you’re seeing. I’m not a man so I don’t know about that. But I’m telling you as a woman, it is a complete turn off. It could be completely personal, but for me I don’t like the idea. So in this case I think you should treat other people the way you want to be treated.

The dating game is quite treacherous. And you should tread carefully. Don’t play mind games with anyone. Don’t play games. And don’t play hard to get.

Think about this. What is your intent when you date? When you are on the dating site when you meet a man or woman that you like, what is your intent? That is the most important question you can ask yourself.

Reasons given for MULTIPLAYER DATING ( external views)

It allows you to compare and contrast the attributes and compatibility in numerous potential partners. 

Some people instinctively know the traits and qualities they truly value in a partner. Others learn through trial and error and heartbreak. Evaluating a potential partner with your intellect, and not your emotions, can speed up the process.

It boosts your self-confidence and improves your dating skills. 

Getting attention from two (or more) romantic prospects has a way of making me feel desired and empowered, increasing my confidence and self-assurance. Dating is like interviewing for a job; with each interview (date) you hone your communication skills, you become more at ease with the interview (dating) process, and you learn to more accurately assess the potential of a position (person).

It helps you to reserve emotional and intimate involvement with the wrong man.

If you fall in love quickly and then romanticize and obsess about the outcome of a possible relationship, you need a reality check. Keeping a diary while dating two people can help you curb your infatuation and sentimental longings. Write down both people’s desirable traits, as well as their objectionable behavior. Someone may be attractive, successful and intriguing, but they may lack the qualities necessary to maintain a long-term relationship.

End of reasons… challenge time

Let’s challenge the idea that it improves your dating skills. Is that what you’re really going for when you’re going on a date with someone? That’s not why I would be dating. That’s like saying I’m going on all these job interviews because I’m trying to get really good at interviewing. No that’s not the case. I’m going on these interviews because I am trying to get a job!

And at the end of the interview what I want to know is are you going to hire me and when will I get a call back.

What are we dating for?

  1. It should be about finding companionship and possibly someone to spend your life with. Ultimately leading to a sex partner for life.
  2. You are looking for sex and you’re trying to figure out exactly what it would take in order to get that sex.

That’s really all there is. And you have to figure out why you’re going on a date to begin with. If you’re just looking for sex, what are you even going on dates for? You should be meeting like-minded people and telling them that you just want sex.

Guys it all ends with sex. That’s all there is. The relationship just comes with the territory for some. I don’t doubt that men want relationships, I just think they’re willing to say whatever they have to say in order to get sex.

Can a woman do what a man does? YES SHE CAN, if she keeps her legs closed! Other than that, you will be considered a ho.

If you decide keep your legs closed remember, you will find out whether or not he’s at least interested enough to stay around for the sex. Staying around doesn’t guarantee good intentions, it just guarantees that he’s got more patience than the average dog.

Some men have No problem hanging in there like a tick on a dogs ass. They ain’t going nowhere.

Honestly finding a good man is luck of the draw. If you are a gambler that’s a good start. It’s literally like rolling dice.